On July 1 we swept floors and spackled holes and stained wood. We cleaned windows and scrubbed toilets and wiped down all the surfaces one last time. The boys ran around the open spaces like it was a whole new world. They didn’t seem too concerned with the hustle and bustle, the empty places where their beds used to be. With all the hostility and sadness that went into leaving our home, it took every ounce of my willpower to clean everything. But I told myself I was honoring the home that rocked our babies and gathered our friends and took the brunt of airplane and car crashes.
And that afternoon, after a long day of cleaning and throwing all of the last minute items into boxes and cars, we walked one more lap around our home. We took pictures and ran our hands along the original wood paneling. A friend sat with us and helped us remember memories from each room, little pockets of joy to take with us. Moving is always a lot of work, but sometimes leaving a place is a relief or moving on to something better or a new adventure. For us, though there was some relief to it, it was leaving behind a home we dearly loved and the only home our boys had ever known. So it felt sad and a little surreal. But as I closed the door one last time, I knew we were doing the right thing.
And so began our #homelesstour2016. When we were moving out we had an offer in on a home with my parents. We waited four long weeks to find out that we weren’t going to get that home. It was the one thing I kept holding onto. Yes, we had to move. Yes, it was hard. But we might get to buy a home! With THREE bedrooms and a yard!! But it wasn’t meant to be.
Since we’ve moved out of our home, we’ve lived in five places in three and a half weeks. It’s been a mix of fun and adventure and long nights and exhaustion. We are settled a bit right now, but on the lookout for a new home, hopefully close by with two bedrooms, a little yard, and no lead.
In the meantime, the boys are happy and busy, like always. Kelton has only mentioned “his house” a couple of times, but it’s always the saddest. The other day he told me that it was hard to keep moving and he just wanted to go home. Break a mama’s heart why don’t you?? But as long as he has his Rescuebots, Transformers, and Paw Patrols, he is mostly happy. He turns four (!!!!) next month and we are going to homeschool preschool for one more year before doing pre-K next year. (Moms, if you’ve homeschooled or unschooled for preschool, I’d love some advice or resources!).
Jax is his usual spitfire self. He’s becoming so expressive with his facial expressions lately, loves running laps around the house with his big brother, and still wakes about five times every night. He can throw a tantrum with the best of them, but also melt everyone’s hearts with his curly hair and silly smiles.
Brandon and I feel like two ships passing in the night these days. Moving, living out of suitcases, reorienting our schedules every few days. But we’re getting into the groove of things and have snuck in a few fun outings like his work party to the Del Mar racetrack or a quick meal here and there.
It feels a little like the world is at a tipping point. So much death, so much hatred and anger and sadness. And then our personal little corner corner of the world is dealing with sick family members and death of close friends and not having a home. Many days I feel like I’m running on fumes, not feeling because it’s easier to just keep moving and getting things done than to sit in the sadness that has been these last two months.
But there are still so many moments of joy. Pockets of happiness and laughter and I get to live this life‘s. And so we keep marching on. And maybe next time I write, we’ll have a new home. A girl can dream.